DIY Bed Desk - Making Better Ikea Shit For Less

Ikea once sold one of the most glorious pieces of furniture for the Bed-Blogger.

The Malm Occasional Table

 Also known as Bed Desk.

Unfortunately, they don't stock them anymore.

And even if they did, it's probably not going to be the correct size. That would be way too easy.

So I decided to make my own :)

Here is how!

Step 1

Find your local hardware store (I went to Bunnings) and buy the following;

So off to Bunnings to go with a shopping list.

• x1 Long Untreated Pine Plank Wood (It was 30cm wide, 1.9cm thick. I asked for them to cut it into 1 length of 1.65m, and 2 lengths of 65cm.
• x1 Packet of cheap/crappy screws (Making sure they were less then 1.9mm long, so as to not drill through the thickness of the wood)
• x4 Castors (The 1 directional ones, so the bed desk can only move forwards or backwards)
• x4 Metal braces (I got quite large ones, as I was concerned about any sagging of the desk)
• x2 Spray cans of Primer + Paint in White
• x2 Spray cans of Crystal Acrylic Gloss
• x1 Medium Sandpaper Block
• x2 Drop Sheets

Step 2

Chuck a drop sheet down and start sanding all the wooden things before wiping away all that delicious, carcinogenic dust off them.

  

Step 3

Lay the wooden things flat on your drop sheet, and go nuts with your can of paint/primer. Don't forget the sides! Wait 2 hours before flipping the wooden things over to do the other side.

Step 4

Once completely dry, Go bonkers with a super shiny gloss lacquer. Try not to breath while doing this.

This stuff puts Pantene Pro V to shame

Step 5

Assemble time! Start with the wheel thingy's

  

Step 6

Attach the brackets to the long bit, then locate a wall or human to hold up the shorter bits, so you can screw them in next.

Step 7

Make coffee and enjoy

Wreak This Journal - No Really, You're Allowed To

Finally a Journal I might stick to. 

Wreak This Journal is a book created by artist, Keri Smith.

On the back page, it advises that it is to engage and inspire people/artists to think "outside the box".

What she actually means is that we now have an excuse to do stupid dumb shit. Like throwing paint, using food as a crayon, poking things with sharp pencils, and having showers before throwing yourself off a cliff.

And my book arrived today!!!

And a few example pages.

If you have never experienced buying a clean, innocent book, and then destroying it with coffee and fire, I suggest you look into it.

Go wreak a journal. You know you want to.

The Proper Way To Store Your Bedding

I decided I wanted to change my bedding when I realized I've been organizing my linen press like an idiot.

 

I proceeded to ruin 4 stacks of nicely folded linen, before making this epiphany.

It would be like making coffee with the kettle in the garage, the cups in the bathroom and the sugar cubes under my bed.

I also realized that pillows are JUST LIKE BAGS

Protip: Don't make this mistake again.

Grab your set of bedding

Fold it up and Place it all in one of the pillow cases.

And now do it for the rest of them.

You're Welcome

xoxo

Interviews Are Traps!

I accidentally have a job interview tomorrow.

The reason it is accidental is due to a particularly bad day at work last month that caused me to go window shopping on seek.com. I threw a few old resumes around, and then suddenly I get a phone call at stupid o'clock this morning, asking if I could come into the city for an interview.

So I said yes..

After a quick google-search for the business (I had no idea what job it was for!) I figured I should polish up my resume and then get focused for this interview. It has been 2 years since I have gone to one, so a minor panic has started to tap on my stomach.

I started to google job interview questions before quickly realising that every one of these "generic" questions has very obvious answers, as well as very obvious ways to fail.

So I am going to teach you guys how to trick your interviewer into believing you as some sort of robotic, proactive god-worker.

And how not to fuck it up.

Why do you want this job?

Why This Is A Trap

Your interviewer wants to see how well you can goggle stuff much you know about their company. You need to demonstrate that you know what sort of company you're going to be working for, and what job you will be expected to do.

Examples:

    

What are your strengths?

Why This Is A Trap

Contrary to popular playground talk, they are not actually interested in how many marshmallows you can stuff in your mouth, nor are they interested in how much you're deadlifting these days. They actually want to know that you won't set the building on fire, you won't get in a fist-fight with "the accounting guy", or curl up in a corner for naps if left alone.

Examples:

What are your weaknesses?

Why This Is A Trap

TRAP! Biggest trap!

This question is not about being honest. It's about being tactful. It's based on manipulating the question, where your negative turns out of be a positive. This is not the time to be telling them that you have a drooling problem, or have a phobia of photocopiers.

Examples:

 

What do you expect to be doing in 5 years time?

Why This Is A Trap

You know what? The interviewer is also thinking the same damn thing as you. Everyone in the room wants to be on a warm beach, sipping long island teas while your bank account is so full it's pushing bills out of the local ATM. Get back to earth and tell them how much you adore [insert company here] again, and hope to stay forever.

(Sidenote: It probably won't get you brownie points if you let the interviewer know that in 5 years' time, you hope to be doing their job. Unless they look like they are 2 Reader Digest books away from retirement, in which case go ahead and make em' proud)

Examples:

  

What is your greatest achievement?

Why This Is A Trap

A great Kill/Death ratio on World of Tanks is great for your normal world, but not for corporate world. Forget what you do in your spare time, they want to know about the shit you got up to at your old/current job. Feel free to exaggerate here. A Lot.

Examples:

Pie Chart Of Blogging

Blogging is hard.

By hard, I mean that it's stressful.

When I decide I want to Blog, I picture myself in my bed with a never-cold-or-empty coffee next to me, happily tapping away at my keyboard, that results in a blog post 30 minutes after take-off.

What actually happens is that I make a coffee before remembering I have actually ran out of milk, then dump way too much sugar in the black liquid, to make up for it.

  

I proceed to get comfortable in bed before remembering my laptop is actually in my car, with a flat battery. 

And then, once again settled into bed, with a plugged-in laptop and hot, sweet coffee, I start the tedious process of trying to remember my login details, giving up and trying to search for the "Forgotten Password" link, then trying to remember my email password so I can reset my blog one.

  

By this time the coffee is now cold, forcing me to haul-ass to the kitchen to make a new one.

While I am there, I figure I need a snack. Popcorn or Easy-Mac being the top choices (Only choices).

I then come back to a laptop that has figured that, since I haven't used it while it has been turned on, it may as well install the 118 updates I have been putting off indefinitely.

3 cold coffees later, the laptop has done its thing and has allowed me to open up my blog to start writing.

About….

Um..

What was I going to blog about?

Also, Why is the microwave beeping at me?